http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/ Voice of the Mathematically Eliminated en-us Mon, 2 Feb 2009 17:24:00 PST Mon, 2 Feb 2009 00:00:00 PST support2007@baseballtoaster.com 60 http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1204775.html (Note: The following is my farewell to the disbanding Baseball Toaster; the ongoing travelogue-in-cardboard Somewhere I lost Connection will resume at the new location of Cardboard Gods.) A god stands in a moment of contemplative reflection. Shadows give way to sun as he readies to move into the center of attention, that bright stage he was born to command. Behind him, the faces in the crowd that will watch his every move have been blurred to something like Monet's lily pads, those hypnotic omens of the inevitable dusk into which we'llall dissolve, as if the card was meant to whisper that all names, even those of the greatest among us, will eventually unravel to silence. In fact, the whole card aches with transience: by the time it thrummed in the palms of the boys of America the superduperstar had moved on, traded to Baltimore, the regal joy of the cards blazing gold uniform a lie. The most magnificent team of the Cardboard God era became an empty golden shell for the remainder of my childhood. http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1204775.html Mon, 2 Feb 2009 17:24:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1203987.html Somewhere I Lost Connection (continued from Larry Hardy) http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1203987.html Fri, 30 Jan 2009 07:00:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1203158.html Somewhere I Lost Connection (continued from Tom Brunansky) http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1203158.html Wed, 28 Jan 2009 09:21:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1202435.html Somewhere I Lost Connection Chapter Two (continued from Terry Bulling) http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1202435.html Mon, 26 Jan 2009 07:47:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1201364.html Somewhere I Lost Connection Chapter One http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1201364.html Thu, 22 Jan 2009 08:26:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1200383.html How tough are you? Me, Im not so tough. The tough way: Get on the field. Assume the proper crapping-in-the-woods crouch. Grimace a little if you want to, like Dirty Harry. Say in your mind: Hit it to me. If the ball takes a bad hop and thumps your chest or clips your jaw or drills you in the stones, pick it up and make the play. Spit and punch your glove. Extra points for spitting a tooth. Later, at night, sleep deeply. http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1200383.html Tue, 20 Jan 2009 06:07:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1199464.html Reality #1 It is fucking cold here in Chicago, Illinois. Twelve degrees below zero as of this moment. I havent been outside since yesterday, when I put on two pairs of socks, long underwear, my thickest pair of jeans, three shirts and a sweater, a parka, hiking boots, gloves, two wool hats, and a scarf the size of a blanket and walked a few blocks to slide the DVD of Pineapple Express through the return slot at the video store. The digital bank clock by the video store reported that it was minus five. The walk there wasnt so bad, but on the way back I was walking against a stiff wind, which I swore at through my unraveling scarf-blanket as the few inches of exposed skin on my face became increasingly painful. http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1199464.html Fri, 16 Jan 2009 07:16:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1198576.html For you youngsters out there, heres a checklist you can use to gain quick, enthusiastic entry into the baseball Hall of Fame: http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1198576.html Wed, 14 Jan 2009 09:22:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1197908.html Years ago, back when I lived in Brooklyn, I was staring at the ceiling, listening to the radio, and wondering if it was too early in the day to masturbate. The usual. It must have been a slow news day, because the radio hosts, a short-lived pairing of Suzyn Waldman and Jody MacDonald, started comparing current players to players from the past. I was roused from my torpor by the claim, made by Waldman, that Bernie Williams couldhold his own in a comparison to Carl Yastrzemski. Enraged, I dialed the number that had been ingrained into me from years of lying around and staring at the ceiling and listening to the Fan. Unfortunately, the line was busy. I tried back a couple times. Each time my desire to actually get through waned a little more. Eventually my anger dissipated so much that all I needed to do to spend the remainder of it was to turn the radio off, which I did. Then I lay back down and stared at the ceiling, listening to the traffic out on Metropolitan Avenue. But then yesterday, I made my second try to join the sprawling, neverending facsimile of a conversation. I turned on the radio to hear the announcement of the new inductees into the Hall of Fame, and after pumping my fist for Jim Rice and whooping a little, I kept the radio on for the rest of the afternoon, tuned to the XM all-baseball station, attempting to bask in the moment as long as possible. Ironically, I first started thinking about calling into the afternoon show (hosted by Rob Dibble and the very same Jody MacDonald from years earlier) when I found myself disagreeing with the hosts comparison of Jim Rice to Reggie Jackson. When I was a kid, I hated Reggie Jackson as much as I loved Jim Rice, but when either Dibble or MacDonald (I forget which one, but they were in agreement on the subject) pointed out as an argumentative trump card that Jim Rices career slugging average was ten points higher than Reggie Jacksons, I sort of wanted to punch the wall. How can you make your living talking about baseball and not be compelled to add when offering this stat that Rice benefited from playing in a great hitters park while Reggie toiled for years in Oakland, one of the worst hitters parks in the league? http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1197908.html Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:52:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1197167.html Facts all come with points of view Facts dont do what I want them to Facts just twist the truth around Facts are living turned inside out Talking Heads, Crosseyed and Painless http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1197167.html Sun, 11 Jan 2009 13:29:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1196279.html According to the back of this card, Lee May drove in 195 runs for the Houston Astros in 1973, more RBI than anyone has ever produced in a single major league season. More than Lou Gehrig, Hack Wilson, Hank Greenberg, etc. Name a slugger, any slugger. Lee May topped him, according to the back of this card. But its a mistake, right? If its not, I cant think of a more subtly shattering blow to my sanity than the sudden knowledge that for all these years, my whole conscious life, the subject I know most about includes a glaring absence of knowledge about the all-time single-season RBI champ. It would be like a guy who spent every spare hour birdwatching and reading about birds and studying birdcalls suddenly finding out that there was a bird known as the bald eagle. http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1196279.html Fri, 9 Jan 2009 05:26:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1195253.html In many ways Ron was the heart of The Stooges, and The Stooges were the creators of punk rock. If you dont understand Ron, you dont understand The Stooges, and if you dont understand The Stooges, you dont understand punk rock. Paul Trynka, author of the 2007 biography Iggy Pop: Open Up and Bleed http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1195253.html Wed, 7 Jan 2009 06:13:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1194339.html We all live for a while in the land of might. We might go anywhere. We might become anything. When do you realize youve been cast out of this land? When does your what if congeal into what is? That moment seems to be happening in this 1979 card, as a melancholy Rick Manning in extreme close-up seems unable to look straight at the viewer, as if in fear that the viewer will start grilling him about why he hasnt become the next Tris Speaker, or at the very least a less hilarious version of Mickey Rivers. A few years earlier, in his rookie season of 1975, Rick Manning hit .285, which along with his spectacular fielding in centerfield would have earned him the rookie of the year award in most seasons. Unfortunately, he made his debut the same season as 1975 MVP Fred Lynn (not to mention Lynns teammate Jim Rice). The following season, Manning won a Gold Glove, upped his average to .292, and doubled his home run output from 3 to 6. Visions of even better seasons, spangled with a .300 average, 40-50 steals, and double-digit home runs, seemed not only possible but likely. Hes the most exciting ballplayer the Indians have had in many years, his manager Frank Robinson said in 1976, in the June issue of Baseball Digest. I think his potential is unlimited. http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1194339.html Mon, 5 Jan 2009 07:06:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1193034.html What'd you get? This is a common question at this time of year among kids, those purest of getters from our getting-crazed society. At a certain point we're supposed to become givers, I guess, at least for one day a year, but the constant rhythm of getting that riddles the modern world reveals that we're all still kids at heart, happy and hungry to get. http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1193034.html Wed, 31 Dec 2008 07:42:00 PST http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1192538.html When Im not working or sleeping or staring at baseball cards or the television, Im reading or walking to the library to get some more books. I guess there are a couple other miscellaneous activities I engage in now and then, but thats pretty much what my life boils down to. http://cardboardgods.baseballtoaster.com/archives/1192538.html Mon, 29 Dec 2008 15:11:00 PST